firebird

granny sat by the crackling fire wrapped in a thick colourful blanket. it wasn’t just a blanket, more of a patchworked history book. one which grew from a hundred scraps of a hundred blankets that had cuddled her through most of her days. a gentle smile rested on her lips as she gazed over at the young-uns playing in the dusk-lit trees beyond. she would never tire of their energy, although even a few steps these days were too much for her without the support of an arm or her trusty walking stick, hand carved from an oak branch by her now deceased companion. she reached down almost unconsciously, feeling it warm her palm with more than just the fire’s kiss.

“time for bed now” came the call from inside the cabin. a mother’s voice, the kind no one dared to ignore, or disobey. Kara wasn’t their mother, but tonight the village’s children were under her guard… and she took her responsibility very seriously. the anticipated collective groan rose in response “oh, but, we’ve almost finished… can’t we just have ten more minutes? the moon isn’t quite over the mountain, yet”.

granny’s slow, deep chuckle rumbled across the ground as a swift wind rose up through the trees, showering the giggling children in the last leaves of the day. every night, always the same. Kara was strict, but kindly. she knew the value of instilling discipline from a young age, but she also knew the compromise game — you couldn’t have one without the other. her eyes met granny’s, knowing their next request: a bedtime story. THE bedtime story, which only granny could tell as the elder of the cluster. their origin story. they nodded their well-worn inconspicuous agreement, and granny cleared her throat in preemptive invitation. “cmon kids, come sit by the fire with granny…”. Kara turned down the lamps in the cabin, closed the doors, and dutifully took her seat next to her mother as the kids whirled their way into the firecircle and sat, motionless and attentive.

granny’s stories were legend in this cluster and beyond. she wasn’t the only elder who had lived through ‘the great pause’, but she was certainly one of its best orators. she knew that the best way for the next generations to learn from the mistakes of the past was by keeping that past alive, interwoven through the fabric of time. and the children all adored her for it.

as with all her stories, she began with a question. “tell me… what have you learned today?” she addressed the group, gazing deep into the wide eyes of each child before settling her gaze on Gem. as the eldest of all the cluster’s children, Gem acted as spokesperson in most things, especially within the cluster’s committee where all members held a collective voice. they were strong, compassionate, and held huge respect throughout the community for such a young age. a future elder, everyone said.

Gem paused for a moment, gazed around the group, and mentally brought forward a few of the day’s highlights. “today, little Nola learned how to say ‘mama’; Jake learned how to climb the big tree and collect its fruit without bruising it; Hera finished making her first bow and arrow, and tomorrow she will learn how to hunt. we all finished our chores and Master Willow told us we did a good job. i think it has been a good day”. the firecircle nodded silently in agreement, and Kara beamed proudly. these were good kids. she loved them as though they had come from her own body, although none were of her blood.

“that does sound like a good day!” said granny, grinning her inimitable grin. “and, was there anything that maybe didn’t go so well?” Gem looked down into the fire, searching the red coals for the right words, careful to not upset the younger ones. “Mimi’s goat gave birth, but her kid is, um, not very well”. granny sighed gently, appreciative of Gem’s kindness. death was an old friend for someone of her age, she was to celebrate her hundredth birthday this summer. for this generation however, death was thankfully uncommon. “ahh, yes. the circle of life and death embraces us all”.

Mimi was the cluster’s livestock guardian, and Gem’s mother. the elders had been worried for this goat, the runt of its own litter many years ago, and had already sent out a messenger to their nearest healing cluster. they had other goats, but each life was precious. “tomorrow we will be visited by babbaginnew, who will perform the sacred healing ritual and provide medicine for our young friend. beyond that, we must let Mother Earth decide what is best.”

babbaginnew was the lead elder of their neighbouring healing cluster, and an old friend of granny’s from ‘the great pause’ era. clusters were how they had survived, bonds created during hardship from the values which would hold them and their futures together for eternity. before ‘the great pause’ the world had been built on imbalance, humanity’s inability to only take what it needed and nothing more. to say those years had been hard was… an understatement. but now a new world had emerged. a better world. for everyone.

granny’s cluster was part of the ‘groundlings network’, they were permaculturalists working with the earth and livestock, feeding themselves and their neighbours with abundance. other clusters formed around networks of healers (like babbaginnew’s), archivists (to whom all elders were bound as they held the last memories of the before- and after- times), safeguarders (who held peaceful watch over any disputes which could not be resolved internally), makers (who ensured that both traditional and new skills were available to all), and the nomads (travellers who passed between all the clusters ensuring regular exchanges of knowledge and news, and maintaining an essential and active route for bartering trade). not all clusters welcomed exchange or inclusion, as was their right, and all but a handful of nomads or elders were forbidden from entering some. but all held the fundamental right to ask for, or offer, assistance in times of crisis, according to the ultimate planetary lore of “Do No Harm”.

there was also another cluster network, of a sort. they didn’t call themselves clusters and had almost no contact outside their kind. it had been a long, long time since she had been with them, but granny’s origin story revolved entirely around their shared history. a lack of truth and an abundance of fear had brought about ‘the great pause’ and she was determined that these failures would not infect the collective future for her or any other community.

granny’s stories normally followed the same pattern as all elders of her generation — remember yesterday, reflect on today, and look ahead to tomorrow. she knew, like the others, that it was only possible to maintain a healthy future by remembering the lessons of the past. she held no animosity for those who wanted to keep the old ways, that was their choice to make just as this was hers. but, like her fellow elders, she had lived through a time where there had been no choice, and now held the responsibility of passing down The Knowledge to future generations, to save them from the same threat. every member of every cluster was given this gift so that, when their time came, they too could make their own choice. to stay with the cluster they were born into, or move on to any other.

while Gem and granny had been speaking, their circle had expanded. granny’s stories were treasured, each telling bringing a new richness enhancing the old depths. the cluster embraced these moments as a ritual, grounding them in a collective consciousness and shared love. parents hunkered in toward the fire, their offspring either snuggling in for comfort or graciously making space. Kara threw three more logs on the fire and all eyes turned in silence to watch it sparkle and shapeshift.

“we are phoenix”, began granny, knowing her cue. “we are born of one flesh, yet caretake many souls. our spirits provide the learning from our ancestors together with the wisdom of Mother Earth. we embrace our own paths, yet our footsteps lead us safely toward a future we have created together, from that which is known to that which is yet to be. we thrive in ourselves, in our cluster, through our networks, and beyond. we are blessed with abundance from our labours, and all who pass through are welcome to share in our wealth; none need go cold or hungry on our watch. we commit now, as we have always done since ‘the great pause’, to Do No Harm to ourselves or to others”. granny bowed her head while the group repeated the last sentence in union. this was the founding principle of all clusters, “we commit now, as we have always done since ‘the great pause’, to Do No Harm to ourselves or to others.” with the brief ceremony complete, granny continued her story.

“the old ways held us prisoner. they were built on a false premise, that some lives meant more than others. those with power and wealth held on to it with tight fists and armed guards, poisoning the earth, waterways, and air we all shared with the burning pollution of their greed. we know now that this division was born from fear and from ignorance, a lack of truth underlying both. but in those times it was hard to comprehend why only some lives were deemed important — we know now how precious each of our fleeting moments are, the riches they can bring to us all.

“in the distant past — long before even my time — not much was known about anything, life was a great mystery. we did what we could with what we had access to, and hoped to do well enough to simply survive. humans gathered then much as we do now, in clusters, some nomadic, foraging and hunting for food and shelter. as time went on, and as populations grew, some became scared of losing these riches for ourselves, or grew jealous of others having more than us. that fear became resentment, and we began to challenge each other in battles more bloody than healers or safeguarders of today could imagine. those battles became wars, tearing down everyone and everything in their paths with wanton abandon.

“these wars were designed and directed by what we then called ‘leaders’, many purported to be acting in the name of their vengeful Gods. yet those leaders never once stepped their own foot on any battlegrounds, and continually disobeyed their own Gods. these architects of destruction, distanced by their privilege, ignorant to pleas for peace, arrogant in their insistence that their own beliefs must be held by everyone… they became obsessed by their self-asserted claims to power, and terrified of losing it. these leaders made promises of protections in exchange for allegiance, promises based on lies, broken before the breath had left their mouths. soon these wars were no longer fought over food or shelter, but for the simple aim of perpetuating division and fear amongst all who walked Mother Earth.

“those who had pledged allegiance were made to turn against their own people, exchanging a world rich in diversity and difference for a precarious placement within the thin vein of homogeneity and compliance. millions who refused to turn died, many murdered by their own kin acting on the orders of people who were too afraid to allow any love or truth into their lives. anyone considered ‘other’, outsiders, were enslaved, forced to work for nothing or lose their lives. some gave up their own lives; what life could that be, where it was not free? many cultures held on to their own Gods, their own rituals, their own sacred and shared identities, but were forced to do this in secret, or were treated as a novelty for anthropologists and tourists. we owe our lives now to those peoples, the ones who retained their own love, their own truths. without them we would all have forgotten that we were once more, far more, than this.”

granny paused for a moment to gaze up at the stars shining brightly against the deep, everlasting sky. her lips moved in silent solemn remembrance of those times, whispering a private message of gratitude to all who had lost their lives in trying to protect those of others. Kara was the only one to move, taking the moment to pour from the pot of healing tincture which sat permanently by the fire’s side. when granny’s prayer was done and she again faced the group, Kara handed her the steaming cup. the listeners held still, not wanting to lose this precious moment of togetherness, holding each other close.

“by the time i was born into this world, into this incarnation, almost one hundred years ago, these systems had been firmly in place for several generations. descendants of those leaders, the ones who had held on to their inherited wealth and power, had continued to assert that their way was the only way. they preached the same lies — that protection would be offered to those who complied, and that any other way merited only destitution and death. these lies were dressed as gifts, their protections of safety — shelter, sustenance, choice — now dressed as privileges of their own. for the compliant few their shelters could become castles and their sustenance a feast; there was so much choice to be had… within the options provided. since most had not even known any other way was possible, so distanced had they become from diversity, this was enough. they learned to be grateful for the hands that fed them, and they became used to turning a blind eye to the great costs at which these luxuries came. to be safer than others was better than nothing, and the threat of nothing was too close and too great to bear.

“as a child i knew the wonders of Mother Earth before I knew anything about these false riches. i didn’t know until much later that my own brain was wired differently, that i could see and feel what others could not. for almost half my life i felt like an outsider, knowing that i didn’t want to be a part of this game, that there had to be something more, something i was missing, something hidden from me. i sought to know more, and in doing so lost my sense of belonging to anything, or anyone, for many years. i owe my life — as you owe yours — to those i found, or who found me, and who taught me i was not alone. slowly, with their unconditional love and kindness, i unlearned my conditioning, and relearned the sacred truth: that all people are born equal, and have a right to pursue their own vision, so long as their right does not prevent any other from having the same. i learned about those who had been enslaved, colonised, tortured and abused. i learned how to heal myself of abuses which had been inflicted upon me, and how to help others to heal themselves and their loved ones. i learned that i belonged, that i was enough, purely by existing. and no one could take those from me.

“as the excesses of the compliant grew alongside their leaders’, the damage they caused created ripples throughout the globe. their battles were now fought over the profits available from digging deep within the earth’s core — an earth we all shared. the military machines became a superpower in their own right. some who had once been oppressed now themselves became the oppressors, ‘reclaiming’ by force land which was never theirs to begin with. foot soldiers were replaced by drones, playing at war like a game, on computer screens from a safe distance, as weapons grew bigger and more toxic year on year. we had forgotten to love or be loved, to share and care for our fellow humans. abundance had been rebranded as scarcity, and we allowed ourselves to be herded like cattle, drowning our sorrows in the intoxicants that were made plentifully available to distract us.

“by the time i was Kara’s age, Mother Earth was dying and half of the world’s population were refugees, forced from their own countries through drought or warfare, stripped of their rights to a home and food. our air and water were poisoned and our soil had been prevented from resting in its cycles of restoration. crops no longer grew and were replaced by chemical compounds, plastic food you could eat and eat but never be fed by. we called our societies a Democracy, perpetuating the lie that we were all in this together, while the gap between the rich and poor grew to an unfathomable scale. freedom of choice had been taken long ago, but now the shelter and sustenance which had for so long been a basic human right became a privilege few could afford. we walked streets stepping over the scattered bodies of the marginalised, and blamed them for their error of non compliance. Politics was just another gameshow, with celebrity leaders literally coming straight from the TV studio stage into the Oval Office.

“our leaders knew what they had done, but were afraid of having to change their ways. the idea of living without their privilege left them cold, they hadn’t needed to maintain their own skills in self preservation because their servants did that for them — how would they survive alone? even more terrifying was what could happen to them once the truth was known. instead of acting together, listening to the Earth and all its peoples, they hunkered down. they hid their wealth and wrote new and more brutal laws to control the masses. there were cries for rational, progressive change, and there were riots. but by this stage the lies had embedded so deep that these fights were misdirected, kin against kin, community against community, while our leaders remained safely protected behind high walls.

“what you now know as ‘the great pause’ was the moment everything finally changed. war, drought, poverty… they only previously happened to some people at any given moment. our leaders could spin new stories, dismissing these crises as unimportant because they did not affect their own privileged kind, or those who complied with their rulings. at least, not so much as would affect the status quo. we had experienced biowarfare before, of course. there had been other events which had affected thousands of people at once. but there had never been a collective struggle which affected everyone around the world — regardless of the colour of their skin, the Gods they obeyed, their gender, the way their brains were wired or their bodies formed, the people they chose to be or to love, or the wealth they had stored, all at the same time and at such a rapid and unstoppable rate — until the COVID-19 virus.

“at first many thought this was a hoax, a conspiracy theory, or that their privilege made them immune. our leaders fed on these falsehoods rather than taking immediate responsible action. action costs money, and forces a change of behaviour… a risk far too great for those holding on to what was becoming such a fragile control over others. i had been journeying with some of these ‘others’ for about a decade by this point. we were united as found family, aligned in shared values and lived experiences, exchanging lessons and techniques around social justice, doing whatever we could with whatever we had from wherever we were. it was both a terrifying and electric time to be alive: hundreds of thousands infected in a matter of days, thousands dead from the virus or the impact it had on already under resourced public hospitals. a society built on the success of the individual alone can never hope to survive such a collective impact. and yet here were thousands of people — the ‘others’ — all stepping up to take collective action. we, these others, had already been loosely forming clusters to try to limit the damage of capitalism and the patriarchy. now we were the ones who brought safety, comfort, guidance. our clusters took new shapes, growing in numbers as more and more of the oppressed and compliant started to see the truth for the first time, and to seek a new home.

“it was a time of great fear, of course. this was an invisible disease, carried through the air and on surfaces. the rich believed themselves untouchable, with their servants, their private hospitals, their hoarded food and wealth. the compliant were fighting against being told to break away from all forms of physical contact, some still locked in their vision of privilege and afraid of losing what they saw as their inherent freedoms. where the rich hoarded their gold, the compliant — those who could afford it — hoarded food and luxury goods. many others were already isolated, marginalised, and so had given up hope of any sense of community long ago — it was hard to reach in to them to offer any form of kindness and support. but we tried, and we fought, and we lost far too many, but we won the war. and we ensured that it became the last ever war.

“COVID-19 lasted for four years, with seemingly constant waves of new outbreaks. it destroyed the economy but in doing so revealed it to have always been a fiction; one by one the lies were revealed and we were all made visible as equals. instead of the mantra of ‘one size fits all’ we re-learned that diversity is beautiful and powerful. our clusters grew stronger and larger, and our passionately shared values and visions enabled us to be better organised than those who had once held all the cards. those who were once poor in money found themselves rich in community, and those who once hoarded all the money found themselves humbled by their need for the same community.

“gradually we rebuilt a new world which we designed together — the world you now thrive within today, fifty three years later. every single person on Mother Earth is born with the same rights and can choose their own place to exist within her. even those few who refused to change, refused to accept community, have a place where they can still live according to the old ways, with their leaders and their servants. we might not understand why they would choose this, but we accept that this is their decision. they are, of course, now much reduced in their power since there is no more scarcity — they can no longer threaten to take our food or poison our air and water, given they no longer control anything but their own lives.

“every day when you wake up, i encourage you to remember this story. you do not have the personal memory of those times, but you do — i hope — know that this history is what has brought you the freedom to make your own decisions about every single aspect of your life. you can help others and be helped by others without that affecting either their power or yours. you can choose to stay, or choose to leave. you can choose to be a groundling, a healer, an archivist, a safeguarder, a maker, a nomad, or explore ways to create a new cluster network of your own. you can even gain an invitation to visit those who still pursue the old ways, should you choose it. you will always have a safe home here, with us, and a safe home anywhere on Mother Earth. in your time here you are taught the tools you might need for self and community alliance, not compliance. your ancestors and your dreams will guide you through the rest”.

granny lifted her beloved oak branch, used it to poke at the remaining glowing embers, and softly repeated the founding principle: “we are phoenix. we are born of one flesh, yet caretake many souls. our spirits provide the learning from our ancestors together with the wisdom of Mother Earth. we embrace our own paths, yet our footsteps lead us safely toward a future we have created together, from that which is known to that which is yet to be. we thrive in ourselves, in our cluster, through our networks, and beyond. we are blessed with abundance from our labours, and all who pass through are welcome to share in our wealth; none need go cold or hungry on our watch. we commit now, as we have always done since ‘the great pause’, to Do No Harm to ourselves or to others”. granny waited again as the last sentence echoed back.

“and so tonight, as every other night, I will send you off to your beds asking yourselves ‘what do i hope that tomorrow will bring for myself and my fellow humans?’ I wish you every joy in discovering your own answers.” and with that, granny leaned forward, putting all her weight on the oak branch. Kara was ready by her side, offering an arm for the slow shuffle home to their cabin. Gem and the parents moved in unison to gather the children and lead or carry them to their beds. the village fell quiet, except for an owl hooting out in the forest.

Mother Earth, who had been listening tonight as she listened every night, smiled her starlit smile and sent out a wave of energy. off in the distance Mimi’s kid goat coughed, bleeted weakly, and staggered to its unstable feet just enough to turn and nuzzle in to suckle its first mother’s milk. tomorrow babbaginnew would declare it the strongest-spirited little goat that had ever been born, and would name it ‘firebird’.

// this was written as a response to adrienne maree brown’s #pandemicwrimo challenge via her instagram post yesterday.//