You don’t look Autistic

No, I didn’t. Until a year ago.
Now I look Autistic As Fuck.

I’m 46. I’ve lived my entire life believing I was wrong, bad, broken, while I’ve watched you Neurotypicals play mind games and obsess and fight about shit that Just Does Not Matter.
Or worse; stay silent about the shit that Does Matter.

I’ve spent 45 years wondering what the fucking fuck is the point of an existence like this? Is this all there is? A rat race, a cattle market, a game.
A cycle of doom, is what it is.

We don’t have a damn clue why the human race exists on this planet, yet, look at us. Stuck in a 9–5, commuter belt, feedback loop to hell.

We get up at the same time every day, drive on the same roads, in the same vehicles, at the same moments, before parking in the same car parks, picking up the same backpacks, and walking to the same offices, where we have the same conversations with the same others (except, they’re not really ‘others’, coz they’re the same), doing the same work for the same pittance, to maintain the same (only slightly higher) profits of the same (only slightly fewer) bosses and shareholders, so that their status quo can… guess what?
You got it.
Stay the same.

And it’s us AUTISTIC PEOPLE who are the wrong, bad, broken ones?
Srsly?
?

“You don’t look Autistic” is what left me, and significant numbers of other unknowingly-Autistic women and girls, writhing in agony for every moment of our entire unknowing lives.

Now, I know. Now, I’m free.

And it’s my planet too.